One of my favourite things about being a human is the Olympic Games. It’s an incredible institution of our more recent history, and it’s the ultimate dream for many. I will legit sit there and watch any Olympic event I can get my mitts on. Archery? Fuckyeah. Hockey? You bet I’m rooting for India, or whoever. I will watch any sport, any at all, just for the chance to pit countries against one another in the noble pursuit of athleticism and competition. “She took an extra step on that dismount, what a loser” I will guffaw from my couch with a mouthful of chips, for the Olympics turns me into an esteemed and knowledgeable gymnastics judge. Yep. You could say that me and the Olympics are firm friends.
So it is with great interest that I keenly follow any peep of news surrounding this majestic event, and the most recent news is juicy indeed. In the interest of reducing carbon footprint, this year’s Olympic Games in Tokyo will see the athletes sleeping on cardboard beds with plastic mattresses in the Athletes Village. Great work Tokyo, and a sign of changes in our human events to help save our planet. But the question on everyone’s lips:
CAN YOU FUCK IN THESE BEDS, OR WHAT?
The answer, reassuringly, is yes – yes you can. The beds can accommodate 200kg (sorry weightlifters), so the athletes are going to be absolutely fine to fuck in their sexy cardboard beds. This is good news, because it was reported that over the 2016 Games in Rio, condom companies handed out 450,000 free condoms to the athletes – that’s 42 per athlete over the 17-day period. That’s a couple of fucks a day with some spare change!
So it’s lucky that the 18 000 beds for athletes can handle the nookie. And nookie will be had! Imagine training for the Olympics for months and months and probably not having any sex in order to keep your fitness up throughout the Games, then WHAM! Your event is done, and it’s time to TREAT. YO. SELF. This is a common thing!
Tokyo officials are still determining the number of condoms they will supply to the athletes for this year’s Games, but it is reported that they will go with 150, 000, which is how many were doled out to randy athletes at the London Games in 2012.
If there were a gold medal for fucking, surely Australia would win.
Love, Akika xoxoxoxooxox