By Geisha Bar

1. Sharing an elevator with strangers. ESPECIALLY if it’s a mirrored elevator. WHERE DO YOU LOOK?!

2. When people sit right next to me in a non-full movie theatre. Oh, hello! Why don’t you just sit on my lap and share my popcorn and lick my choc-top too, you fucking psychopath.

3. When I’m on a window seat in a plane and someone is sitting next to me in the middle seat, but the aisle seat is free, and they don’t move to the empty aisle seat. Please random stranger, by all means continue to suffocate my personal space unnecessarily. I absolutely love hearing you breathe loudly through your mouth for six hours.

4. When I am at work in a job where I am required to sit at a specific desk, and someone comes and starts talking to me. I can’t escape. They are literally stealing my life force, sucking my soul out through my teeth, which are gritted in a polite smile. Yes please Colleen, do tell me more about your neighbour’s fucking granddaughter that nobody cares about.

5. When people are at the supermarket and they just fucking mill around RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE AISLES. They are usually looking at their phone and I just want to smash my trolley really hard into them and ask loudly if they realise that they are standing right in the middle of a goddamn thoroughfare. Like, if you want to start Snapchatting your friends, move to an obscure corner in front of an unpopular product so that you aren’t in the way. Better yet, fuck off and never go out in public ever again.

6. When you go to a lecture at uni and people who get there early insist on sitting right on the end of the aisle, blocking off the row. Um wtf hello, now you’re going to make everyone have to awkwardly shuffle past you. As if I want to have to squeeze past some random dude pushing my butt or vag in his face. This just goes to show how little consideration some people have for the fact that there is an entire world of OTHER PEOPLE that exist. Ugh. I hate you jerks so much.

7. OK this isn’t really a “social” problem as such, but look. Would people PLEASE stop writing “should of”?! I think the word you are looking for is “should’ve.” As in, that apostrophe denotes a contraction, being that “should’ve” is short for “should have”. Just because it sounds like “should of” when bogans say it, doesn’t mean that that is how it is spelled. Once again for those down the back; “SHOULD OF” IS NOT A THING. The same applies to “could of” (could’ve), “would of” (would’ve) and “had of” (had have).