10 signs you lived large on the Fundays

By Geisha Bar

We all love a good weekend. We all know “that escalated quickly” feels. This list is homage to all the kids who went hard when they probably shoulda gone home…
1. You answer your alarm clock’s wail with a deep groan of agony. Then think about hurling it across the room. But it’s your phone. Your only contact with the outside world for the next 10 hours.

2. During the commute to work, inside your head resembles a pep talk from Rocky. Lots of talk about getting up after you’re hit — cleverly ignoring that you did this to yourself. This is helped with the biggest, darkest sunnies in existence.

3. You’re standing at the coffee machine willing it to produce that black caffeinated joy faster when the nice old accounts lady asks “ did you have a busy weekend dear?” when you give her your well-rehearsed “ohh not really – why?” line, she answers with “because you look a bit tired dear”.

4. You spend the next hour wondering if you can get away with wearing your sunglasses in the office if you have a “terrible tension headache”. Especially if you throw in “I might be able to ward off a migraine”. Helpful when you took a Monday off a month ago for “an excruciating migraine”

5. Sunglasses debate is interspersed with weighing pros and cons of the lunch time car nap

6. Pretty much all of Monday is spent in deep existential crisis on the purpose of your life

7. Client meetings induce cold sweats usually reserved for marathon start lines and enemas

8. When you finally escape for lunch, your card bounces. Your “oh shit” look is met with the “i know what you did the last two days” look from the barista. And the extra pity shot of espresso.

9. By mid-afternoon (after giving in to the car nap) you’re furiously googling gym membership fees and green smoothie recipes in an effort to atone for your sins. You’re especially susceptible to enthusiastic outcries of “we should do the HBF Fun Run!”

10. Your new-found good conscience has well and truly worn off by dinner time. Last Thursday’s leftovers / 2 minute noodles / maccas is acceptable Monday dinner, right?