Akika says: Akika the Grinch

By Geisha Bar

I’ll say this for sure: CHRISTMAS IS FOR THE KIDS. Just like Easter. How exciting was it knowing you were getting a shitload of awesome presents and 6 weeks off school? Right on. How much does it suck as an adult, knowing you only get maybe 3-5 days off work (and not even in a row) – and not only that, it’s now YOU who has to buy all the exciting presents, and probably do all the cooking that day? Also, adults get way less presents. Just saying. Maybe part of the fact that it’s not exciting anymore present-wise, is that as an adult, you can afford to buy the things you want, instead of having to wait for your birthday or Christmas. Sure, it’s great if you are really into jewellery and are one of those sorts of people who get excited when your boyfriend buys you a mass-produced Pandora charm or boring Tiffany bracelet, but I’m definitely not. In fact, I’m not really too excited about getting any kind of present nowadays because I’m fairly hard to buy for. If I want a book I’ll already have bought and read it. If I like a movie, I will already have “purchased” it online. Don’t buy me art stuff; you will get the wrong products. Likewise for clothes or decor – my taste is far superior to yours and I’ll hate your choices. My room is overflowing with my own junk already, please do not add to it by buying me a present of “pampering set with loofah” or “bobble-head toy” just because it’s Christmas and you feel that you have to get me a gift.

Anyway, gift issues aside, the other worst thing about Christmas is the absolutely stoopid general public. How shit is it that when people know a supermarket will be shut on a public holiday, they all flood the supermarket the day before, in a frantic desperation – “oh no, better stock up on bottled water/batteries/rations” as if a hurricane is going to hit. Come on people, the calendar never changes. Just look at the dates, and make sure you get all the necessary shit on your regular shopping day, like you would any other week of the fricking year. See also: those who all go shopping at the same time and walk 5 abreast in the malls, ambling slowly and eating their ice creams whilst blocking the way of anyone with a general sense of purpose/urgency. For this and many other reasons, I use the internet for my shopping unless I absolutely cannot find my item online.

Back to Christmas. Thank Raptor Jesus that I no longer work in customer service, but for the people who do, Christmas sucks. When Christmas is near, people get stressed, and money gets tight. Especially for the Queensland bogans with too many kids (stop breeding please) and too few budgeting skills. So these people are the ones that take it out on the poor folk that work at the banks/gas and power companies/telecommunications companies, and give the sob story of having to buy their kids Christmas presents, and then get angry and yell at you when they have to pay late fees or have their services suspended for non-payment. AGAIN: THE CALENDAR NEVER CHANGES. If you know money will be tight, buy the presents earlier on in the year, dumbass. But don’t be one of those smug assholes that boast about having done all their Christmas shopping in July. Personally, I prefer not to do this for the simple reason that if you’re buying the gift in July, that gives the person 5 extra months to realise they want it, and buy it themselves – and so everyone feels awkward when you give them a present they already have. And this is a bunch of reasons why I don’t like this time of year – most of my friends love it for the exact same reasons and think I’m a grouchy bitch but so what, because I have a public griping platform and they don’t.

Happy holidays pranksters, see ya’ll at Geisha!

Love Akika xoxox