It’s about time we rethink that most primordial ritual – finding a mate. Tinder and all the rest have been pushing and pulling us into hellishly nightmare dates. Mentioning the platform at a catch up with friends inevitably leads to eye rolling, mournful sighs and a friendly competition on who had the honour of swiping yes to the biggest creeper / dunce / ditz this week. It’s like Sex in the City got a C grade horror makeover.

Also, why wait a week for that first date to see if your vote paid off –we’ve got federal politics for that! Why not get a bit more proactive with your search? Call me old fashioned, but I love making eyes at a cutie over the bar, then that first exciting moment where anything is possible and I’m speaking to them, “Hiii, what’s your name? I’m Akika.”

So yeah, no more suffering Tinder for me. I’m calling my girls and heading back to Geisha. I think it’s also time to change our Cosmopolitans to Old Fashioneds because winter calls for whiskey.