This week I’ve been feeling a little frisky. Summer got me sexy? Exxxtra long Kinky Malinki this weekend got me slinky? Whatever the reason, I’ve let my wild side roam free to share some tips on getting down and dirty.

Whatever the weather — beware of pleather. If you must — use baby powder dust.

Careful when nipple clamps aclampin’ or your desire they’ll dampen.

“Cold hands warm heart” my ass! Get your hands under the hot tap pronto, you cold-blooded mood-killer!

Late-night bondage all-too-easily ends with a snoring captor and an excellent rendition of starjump-on-pause by the poor captive.

Why isn’t chocolate a sex toy? That heavenly scent, that satiny texture, that irresistible divine taste….actually, why am I even bothering with this sex thing? Just joking….kinda.

Contrary to the usual rockin, bangin party — backdoors have a VIP list (that’s “very impressing penis-owner” to you). It pays to check the list twice, or you’ll find out what happens to naughty boys ain’t at all nice.

A romp in the car can be sexy. Calling your long-suffering housemate from the copshop at 3am on account of public indecency isn’t.

Fluffy pink handcuffs are cute and practical! Keep those wrists bruise-free and your face guilt-free come Monday.

Good boys and girls go to heaven. Bad little devils go everywhere. Come down and party with us at the exxxtra long Kinky Malinki at Geisha this weekend. Let’s give Santa a night to write that naughty list about!