“An idiots guide to the idiots in the Middle East”

By Geisha Bar

The chemical generation is forever inquisitive and cock and ball stories the last two weeks , it’s time to put down the pipe and tackle the big issues…..Why is Orlando Bloom not taken seriously? …..Why do so many people want to punch Paul Medhurst?…..Why does the “middle east” continue to be a blood stain on the civilized world?
The first two are easy. Orlando is purely a decorative piece and Paul is a mouthy little shit….but the middle east is a classic quandry, ease to understand but nigh impossible to solve.

Essentially the troubles are a toxic battle over a crumby bit of land some 10,000 square kms. The cities, monuments and dirt on this land hold deep religious views to Jews, Arabs & christians. For over 3000 years men have butchered each other to rule this holy land. This “cradle of civilization” has been occupied and fought over with a passion that justified all manner of barbarity. Every invader has had a go. The Canaanites, the Greeks, the Turks, teh Persians, the Byzantines (Alexander the great, not Colin Farrell), the Christians (Richard the Lion Heart), the Arabs (various types), the Jews (twice), the Ayyubi Dynasty, The British and the Kebab company.

During the last 400 odd years the Arabs have predominantly occupied the landbut inexplicably the fading British empire was left to administer Palastinein the 1920’s. The zionist movement were pushing hard for a Jewish state claiming an historical connection to this land because Judasism allegedly originated in Palestine claiming the bible supports this because Abraham and his decendants were promised this landfor the original kingdom. THis led to a massive immigration of Jews into Palestine over the next 20 years and when that little anti-semite with the moustache started booting through Europe more Jews fled enmasse to the promised land.

As you can imagine the Arabs weren’t big on the Hebrew influx and were less than impressed by biblical promises given they consider the good book about as credible as “The Da Vinci Code”. They tend to lead to the Koran, which is much racier and promises virgins and no circumcision. Ironically all Arabs decended from Abraham’s son Ishmael so according to the old testament the Arabs have an equal claim to the landand comically might even be directly related to their zionist invaders.

Against this backdrop , the worst ad for multiculturalism exploded on a naive world when in 1948 the British decreed that Palestine would be divided into Gaza, the west bank & the state of Israel. Western Europe with the good ole USA in shadowy support placed a new Jewish country right smack bang in the middle of Arab inhabited lands without their permission or agreement and the world would never be the same again.

AS expected the Arabs went ballistic as you would if someone moved into your home demading kosher food and refusing to work on Saturdays. Iran, Egypt, Jordan, Syria and Lebanon all declared war on Israel immediately and since that day be it officially or unofficially it has continued. The Jews are a stoic lot who have survived genocide and oppression to infict it on the Arabs. The Arabs are a stoic lot who have survived genocide and oppression to inflict it on the Jews…..Neither is going anywhere and the only thing they are willing to share is death!

So with the Jews considering the land “god given” and the Arabs claiming the land was stolen from them both sides are prepared to kill for the cause. Fox news peddles pro US/Israeli propaganda and AL Jazeera returns the favour for the Arab world. The US rattles the sabre at North Korea and Iran for nuclear weaponry whilst allowing Israel to become a major nuclear threat in the region and provides them with all the smart bombs freedom can buy. In the other corner Syria and Iran supply weapons and finance to Hezbollah, Hamas, the PLO and the “Beatles”of the terror game Al Qaida. It is the most perfect of “vicious cirlcles” and right or wrong their is a direct correlation between the existance of the Jewish state – global terrorism – despise for the USA

During the 2006 bloodbath, the apparent Western ally Israel refused to call a ceasefire on its attack on Lebanon to allow the US, Britain and Australia to get their citizens out until under extreme duress they allowed a short window. Personally I have little sympathy for either side both cut from the smae polemic cloth.
In a world that constantly divides us it is refreshing to know that people are inherently the same. We all have the capacity to kill and maim with little compassion and if you follow your natural instincts atrocities come easy.