02/07

WITH BELLS ON

By Geisha Bar
blackpool_2012-dirty+dancing+book+ps+1500+8

Was there ever a social occasion more tentatively awkward than the hen’s night or stag’s night?
You’ve got a person who is getting married, and you’re surrounding them with all the same-sex various non-overlapping Venn diagrams of their life. There’s the family members, there’s the in-law family members, there’s the school friends, the work mates, the sports/hobby friends, and the former work colleagues that are still mates.
You have to have a night that is offensive enough for all the boring already married-with-kids people to feel like they were able to be young again and live vicariously through whoever the stripper is aiming her “vegetable show” at, and yet you have to make the more conservative/older members of the party feel catered to.
Yes, this is a most troubling social event to negotiate gracefully.
I went to a hen’s party that was pretty much perfect recently. There was an early afternoon drinks, nibbles and obligatory games for the ladies, followed by Holey Moly mini golf which people could opt in or out of, followed by a nice dinner, followed by a pub crawl. Literally something for everyone, with the option of bowing out (or in) gracefully at any point that matches your personal partying criteriae.
But what if you’re stuck on a boat for 6 hours?
This happened to me once and it was CRINGE AS FUCK. The other Venn diagram friends of the bride were all kind of fuckwits in their own rights and I was stuck on a boat with them, watching a gross male stripper throwing his cat at us. Thank fuck for ciggies, alcohol, phone service on the Swan River and more ciggies. I couldn’t wait to get off that prison boat, though, and vowed never to do a boat cruise with more-or-less random women ever again.
So, this is a word to the wise: if you’re planning a hen’s or stag’s do, MAKE IT COOL FOR EVERYONE!!!!! And get the bride/groom-to-be so fucked up that they will barely remember it.
Mazel Tov!
Akika xoxoxoxoxooxoxoxoxox