18/07

Fuck You Brenda

By Geisha Bar
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Our world is a funny place. Why is it that Australia just can’t seem to get its shit together when other countries manage to grow the fuck up and make good choices? Everyone else is happy to limit and ban plastic bags. It’s a great thing for the environment and makes us all think about how our choices impact the world around us. So other countries have taken to these changes like ducks to water. Enter Australia. “BLAURGHHH WAHHHHHHHH ME ME ME” screamed Brenda, a forty-something year old white woman wearing hideous chunky jewellery at the supermarket checkout. She’s outraged. INCENSED, even. Brenda demands that she be given plastic bags with which to fill with sparkling grape juice (that she calls champagne, because she’s stupid) and brie. The poor girl trembling at the checkout KNEW she shouldn’t have come into work today. She was considering waiting for ca. 16 months until Australian bogans would get a simple concept through their thick skulls. But she needed the money. Brenda looms ever closer. She won’t be happy until she is presented with a dead penguin stuck in the plastic rings of a six pack of Fosters. Brenda needs to know that she is top of the food chain. Her white pedal pushers and tan sandals mean business.

 

Fast forward twenty years into the future ….. The planet is imploding under the weight of plastics. Brenda is drowning in her own pile of rubbish. As her head slowly sinks into the swamp of microplastics and shopping bags, she furiously demands to speak to the manager. Fuck you, Brenda.