Dear Perth,

Why do you go so freaking crazy when it rains?

The minute big clouds roll over the horizon, you stare furtively at the sky, dramatic scowls of irritation.

Downpour begins, and the fun really starts.

Drivers go two speeds when it rains:

• Snail crawl
• Grand Prix lead foot

How is either of these logical? Don’t you care about, oh, I don’t know, staying alive?!

God forbid one wants to socialise when it rains. Pre-weekend conversations go like this;

Me: Wanna catch up sat night?
Mate: Maybe
Me: Ahh k. Do you have something else on maybe?
Mate: Naah just heard it’s gonna rain. CBF’d dealing with it

It’s just water people. Not the zombie apocalypse.