Here in Perth we are definitely no strangers to a good ol’ tatt. “Sick ink!” is a common phrase uttered by the constituents of our bogan state, as we admire our mate’s fresh new tattoo straight outta Kuta.

I think you can tell a lot about a person by certain things – their shoes, their food preferences and their tattoos. Matching the tattoo to the personality has never ceased to be a great anthropological exercise; and has proved to be bucketloads of fun for the whole family. Here are some tattooed lurksters that could be hiding in your neighbourhood.

Barbed wire armband: Wendy has been married to Darren for the past nine years, with six wonderful children – Shenae, Jayden, Shane, Leticia, Brodie and Mel. She’s originally from Sydney and fondly reminisces on how King’s Cross used to be. “Ohhhh yeah the nightlife was great! Used to go down and watch Jimmy Barnes every month down at the local,” she enthuses, a faraway look in her eye as she sucks back a Winnie Red. Shaking her hair out of her hoop earrings, she stubs out her cigarette. “Better get back to work,” she remarks as she heads back into the Rockingham Hotel, where she pulls pints.

Southern Cross: 85% of singlet-and-boardshort-wearing Australians aged 28-50. Loves a Bintang and anything sponsored by Monster energy drinks. Can be found at the next Crusty Demons tour.

Nautical themed boat/swallow/anchor: Hannah discovered tattoos while watching LA Ink. Under the misguided belief that you can’t get a tattoo without having a sob story bursting with significant meaning behind it, she immediately got what was trendy and has a granddad who was in the navy to back up the significance of the boat tattoo. Poor granddad would be rolling in his watery grave.

Tazmanian Devil/Tweety Bird: The year was 1998. Sharon was about to turn 38 and decided that the time was ripe for a tattoo. Not wanting to get anything too intimidating, she decided to show the world what a fun-loving, light-hearted gal she was by getting a Looney Tunes character on her shoulder. Her best friend Rhonda had already gotten a Tweety Bird on her ankle, so Sharon went with Taz, designed to make it look like he was truly ripping his way out of her flesh. Awesome!

Shhhhhh going down a finger: At age 22, Maddie decided that they best way to up her club rep was to get a daring tattoo somewhere that could be easily hidden yet still obvious enough for hipsters to think she was cool. Being her first tattoo, she decided on something that would be perfect for all the nightclub photos she gets tagged in each week. Taking a leaf out of Rihanna’s and Lindsay Lohan’s book, she got “shhhh” tattooed up her pinky finger. What an edgy move Maddie.

Next time you get bored, find your local tattooed persons and make up hilarious backstories about them! There’s nothing more fun than generalising people based upon one moment of decision making a few years into their past. I have dozens of tattoos, all of which make for prime stereotyping and hilarious character crafting. Next time you see me at Geisha, ask me if I’m a Wendy or a Maddie.