For those of you that didn’t read Latin at University this means “Truth Conquers” the old school motto that we Catholic girls wore proudly on our pretty blazers. Like all good Catholic’s my education has given me a lack of virtue, a love of money and an undying belief that sin has its own rewards. Whenever the guilt gets too much I confess my sins to a middle aged man in a white collar. He will give me a wink and order me to recite three Hail Mary’s, fellatio not part of God’s will due in no small part to my gender.

Once my soul has purified I’m free to resume life as a true practising Catholic, cramming my soul with a glad-bag of cardinal sins each more decadent than the last. Thou shall steal… as we care only of being caught. Thou shall not respect thy parents… Ain’t that the truth for youth? Thou shall commit adultery… Don’t we all if given half a chance. Thou shall covert what my neighbour has… No envy with plastic money. Thou shall kill… let the illegal boat people drown but save those poor sheep.

A blueprint for modern life, Judas the fallen Angel resurrected as a cherished role model for the sinner consuming us all. The inherent beauty of the Catholic faith is that you never have to say you are sorry and the Vatican has made an art form out of not practising what it preaches. Our Holy Church champion’s celibacy, decency, a life rich in spirit and that most violated of words ‘Love’. The reality is far less noble. Our Church covers up for paedophiles who rape the lambs of the flock. Our Church tells the uneducated poor of poverty and AIDs ravaged countries that contraception is a sin. Our Church treats women and homosexuals like lepers in the house of God. Our Church extols the virtues of a simple life unencumbered with possessions but revels in offensive wealth. Our Church threatens us with the prospect of eternal hell and infects us with that gnawing cancer guilt.

The Catholic Church will be far more Christian place when a woman wears the big hat and true reform will take place. Only then can “Truth Conquers” and the Church’s past sins begin to truly be forgiven. In the name of the Father, the Son & the Holy Spirit… Amen