Akika says: The Dreaded Bender Ender

By Geisha Bar

Um… how do you handle days when you don’t know what to do or say or think? I just lay in bed and order food, but I don’t think that’s such a good idea. So I’m gonna ramble on until I figure out what would be better.

I’m talking of course, about those dreaded bender enders. D-Day plus one.
It was all fun and games…. y’know, two days ago, when you were eagerly sipping gin and juice with your homies and ordering a cab to go out. Nek minute you’re at a different friend’s house eating popsicles and sitting on a couch in the sun, watching people make obstacle courses out of furniture and listening to some epic reggae breaks mix. Someone makes a passing comment about some other shenanigan going down, and suddenly you’re all off on an adventure. Another night passes by, and then you end up here.

Lethargic City, aka “What-am-I-doing-with-my-life-Ville”. It’s never a fun place to be, but boy howdy, it doesn’t have to be a sad time! Firstly, do yourself a favour and take a quick trip to the supermarket – do it nice and early to get it out of the way. Get your favourite ice cream and all your favourite kinds of fruit. Buy a bottle of vegetable juice (JUST vegetables, NO FRUIT, you cheater!), some lollies and some bagels with cream cheese. Now you have yourself some nutrition. Ok, so it’s not perfectly nutritious, but I feel it toes the line between “need nutrients but want to wallow” quite nicely.

Right. Once you are home, immediately drink the vegetable juice and chase it with 750mls of water. Good for you; you’ve got the hard part out of the way. Now clean and tidy your visible environment – you want to feel all refreshed, cosy, and most of all, not reminded in any way of what a slack piece of shit you are (because when your serotonin is down, that’s all your brain is going to want to focus on).
Shower and put on clean pyjamas, light some scented candles, get a nice glow about the room and find the fluffiest, MOST LUXURIOUS blanket you can find. You’re gonna cuddle up in it and feel like goddamn royalty. It’s going to be AMAZING.

Next you need to choose two movies that make you feel amazing about life, that give you hope, or make you laugh. While you watch these movies, eat bagels with cream cheese and ice cream with fresh fruit, in any order you desire. Make sure you drink another 4 litres of water in the next six hours, and make sure you have everything ready for your next day – because the whole point of today is to totally indulge in relaxing and recuperating, and tomorrow is going to be business as usual.

You’ve got this. You’re winning at life <3 Love, Akika xoxoxoxoxoxoo