Akika says: Home Alone

By Geisha Bar

Shitty housemate situations – we’ve all been there. The guy who refuses to do literally any form of cleaning or tidying up after himself. The girl who never pays her bills on time yet suspiciously always has money to go out and get herself skanky shit from Supre to go clubbing every week. The weird elderly man who thinks you’re his grandson.

The problem with being young and not a parasite upon your parents (congratulations!) these days is that we are now part of what is collectively known as Generation Rent. Our shitty baby boomer parents have bequeathed us a nation of inflated house prices, a shaky job market and overpriced university degrees – leaving us stuck renting houses until sometime in our thirties, unless you managed to couple up and settle down early with a shoddily-built $500K turnkey house and land package in Baldivis just like everyone else that sucks.

Renting into your thirties, if you’re a singleton, means that unless you pull in fat stacks, you’re going to have to share a house with housemates, unlike your smug loved-up counterparts. And when you’re in that level of adulthood, you acquire standards for living and are much less tolerant of other people being feral assholes to live with. Unfortunately for most of us, from time to time we get stuck with awful housemates. I have a friend who currently has a housemate that NEVER LEAVES THE COUCH. He is a gamer and is there constantly, making the place feel dirty and untidy and generally making the shared living space a pretty unhappy place to be. He even sleeps on the couch, despite having an actual bedroom. They have all tried tentatively talking to him about it, and he vows to stop doing it, and then the very same night after the flat meeting – guess what – still sleeps on the couch.

Stories like this make me so desperate to own my own home. I’m moving into a new house soon and I’m kind of nervous as to what my flatmates are going to be like to live with. They’re lovely people, but so are a lot of people, until you have to grit your teeth as they – yet again – leave their fucking dishes in the sink.

I guess my main gripe today is this: Fuck this economy for making buying a house near on impossible unless you are in a relationship. Fuck you all. I’m going to go have some avocado on toast.

Love, Akika xoxoxooxox