Akika says: Why Do People Become Shit Friends When They Fall In Love

By Geisha Bar

So, you have yourself a lifelong BFF. And then your BFF meets herself a new, more sexually-satisfying bae. And then those two motherfucking baes go off into the romantic sunset and suddenly you’re the fat cunt sharing a bucket of KFC with precisely nobody and watching reruns of The OC laughing by herself through grease-rimmed lips, wondering at exactly what point she turned into such a Christmas-hatin’ Nonna. Well, that point would be the point at which your BFF ditched her lovely mate (you) for her new boyfriend without warning you that this was going to be her new life now.

So what’s a shunned newly-ditched girl to do?
Get a life of your own, of course!

This is most definitely the time to be trying all those weird “New Year’s Resolution” style things that you’ve always wanted to check out (i.e. cooking class, self-defence course, wine-tasting class and other miscellaneous basic hobbies). You need to immerse yourself in a brand new and exciting lifestyle, because double-fisting takeout food while watching 90s TV shows on your own is a sad time indeed. Perhaps at this adventurous new hobby you will meet a love interest of your own, or discover your profound ability in a new field – you just never know where a dabble in something new may take you!

It’s important to feign interest in this leech that stole your BFF from you, especially when she is all starry-eyed and humming the wedding march under her breath. With any luck, the new partner is actually cool enough to hang out with, in which case you’ve scored yourself a decent “third wheel” type operation – which you need to use to your advantage. This newcomer definitely wants to get on your good side, so be sure to get as many free drinks and free feeds out of the scenario until they feel they have earned your approval.

Above all else though, remain true and be ready to pick up the pieces when your bestie’s paramour turns south. Because love is fleeting, but friendship is forever!

Love, Akika