By Geisha Bar


The latest sexual assault scandal has recently come out (if we could even call it “sexual assault”, which we really should not) and it involves comedian Aziz Ansari.

Babe.net, (a totally five star news source) broke the story of a female named “Grace” (name changed to protect identity, probably because she knew that everyone would be pissed at her for marginalising the situation of people that have experienced real sexual assault, but that’s neither here nor there), who met Ansari and subsequently went on a date with him, engaged in consensual oral sex, watched Seinfeld, then left in the car that he called for her.

Afterwards, she realised she had been a total victim, and told her tale of woe to Babe.net, calling it “the worst night of my life”. What probably happened was that initially, he wanted a date and sex, and she wanted to date him – and upon realising that their motives were different, she was soured on him.

You can easily find the original article with a quick Google search, but I’m warning you now – it’s a povo excuse for “journalism”, and the story in itself is just a tale of regret for having had a less-than-perfect date. He was a bad kisser, he wanted to have sex they performed quick oral on each other. When she finally did verbalise that she wasn’t interested in having sex, Ansari suggested they chill with clothes on – so they got dressed and watched Seinfeld. QUICK LADY, GET OUT YOUR RAPE WHISTLE!

If you go home with a man after a date, get naked together and hook up, and he makes it clear he is keen on having sex – that is not inappropriate or indecent behaviour on his part. Furthermore, if you were sober enough to be able to accurately and fully recall the details of the night, then you were definitely sober enough to not go home with him if you did not want to be propositioned for sex. Personal responsibility has to come into these things. She had more than ample opportunities to make a different choice as to going home with him, or she could have at any point chosen to leave – whereas women who experience actual assault do not get this luxury.

This is a story of a woman who, on some level, decided that she did not have any sense of agency over herself. Rather than being decisive and leaving as soon as she was uncomfortable, she decided that she was a passive participant – a victim. I’m sorry but if we are in a society where we have to be teaching boys and men how not to rape women, then we also have to start teaching girls and women how to not be an inactive spectator in their own life, for fuck’s sake.