The Rise of the Doll-J’s

By Geisha Bar

This week’s word is….dun dun duuuun…..
Doll-J: (noun) hot female celebrity who has discovered a new life path as a “DJ”. However, being more style than substance, these females are more concerned with their makeup than their mixing. This results in finger syncing to pre-recorded sets.

Top of this list has got to be Paris Hilton. Self-described “Raver Barbie’s” debut set included a man popping up in the middle of proceedings, and doing her mixing job for her. At 34, doesn’t this woman have anything better to do than jump about like a sugar-hyped child? Like, contemplate wearing clothes with a hemline lower than her butt cheeks, for example.

Speaking of a Barbie party – “Human Barbie”, Valeria Lukyanova, has announced a world tour. During “Space Barbie Tour”, this self-proclaimed time traveller and alien communicator will utter ancient words, and induce mass meditation on the dancefloor (and I was impressed with Sophie Ellis Bextor’s ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’!). Space cadet, I mean Human Barbie, will “touch the energy centres of her audience” with hand signals and a special set list. Apparently, we must get ready for a change of consciousness. Guess that “cosmic micro-food” went to her head. At least she has her wheels of steel plugged in. To her chest.

I ask you – really, what makes these dolls any different to the endless “career DJs” who play pre-recorded sets? Perhaps the most notorious is Krewella. Deadmau5 famously commented on the duo’s “wireless” mixer. The girls then pugnaciously pointed out their “USB sticks were plugged in”. Girls, those ain’t power supply in any country. Maybe on Human Barbie’s home planet?

The question is – has the player made this game – or the game made this player?