21/01

STRAYA DAY

By Geisha Bar

So your mates Shane and Shazza are having a BBQ around the pool in Gosnells for Australia Day and you’ve been invited. Woohoo! Before you get stuck into celebratin’ Straya, here are a few tips to help you survive this day of days.

1. Slip, slop, slap and wrap. Slip a stubby holder onto your beer, slop on a hat with dangling corkscrews, slap on a fake Southern Cross tattoo, and wrap on an Aussie flag. Now you are presentable enough to leave the house for the festivities. Ensure that your car has some sweet decorative flags flanking the side mirrors so that everyone knows what a thoroughly good bloke you are.

2. Don’t show up empty-handed, that’s thoroughly un-Australian. Do your mates a solid by rocking up with some sausages (or, “snags”), a carton of local beer or some giant floating jandals to use in the pool.

3. Did you know that 78% of Australians have met their perfect Shane or Shazza through friends at Australia Day celebrations? Make sure you spend this week getting #shreddedforStrayaDay. Get yourself into the sunbeds, ditch the Maccas and get yourself a new fauxhawk for the big day. Don’t forget your Lynx (Africa flavoured) to attract your perfect mate, and make sure your iPhone is solidly charged for instant Facebook friend-adds.

4. Make sure you are well-versed in the current music trends, for when the Triple J Hottest 100 reaches the Top 20, you will need to be prepared to enter into lengthy debates about which songs do or do not belong there. Contrary to popular belief, the order of the songs can be changed by the power of your whining on the day, listener vote tallies have absolutely nothing to do with it. Remember, your music taste is the most absolute.

Now go forth and Straya!!!