No Wifey to the Phone Lifey

By Geisha Bar

I have this friend right. Since she found romance, I don’t see her as much. I guess that’s normal, right?
Wrong. Because that new romance goes by the name of iPhone 6. Yup. My friend is in a relationship with her phone.
I knew it was serious when this phone was a constant source of conversation. By conversation, I mean my friend constantly hunched over, tapping frantically on the screen, whilst I raised an eyebrow and asked “seriously?” My friend would coax me out, all smiles and “yeah! Come along. It’ll be fun”. Yeah, right, it’s reeeaaal fun watching your friend fondle their new gold plated love. If I wanted passion, I woulda stayed home and watched the tube.
Things arced up to comedy status when my friend no longer went to the bathroom without holding her love in their hand. Sometimes I’d even catch her pouting pretty for her mobile. My friend gave that phone boobs — cos phones love boobs. Then she’d put that thing on my kitchen bench. Yeah right. That’s exactly where I want that poopstick hanging out. Who doesn’t like a little bacteria in their breakfast cereal?
That girl reached the end of my tether when she became a chronic flaker. I started getting texts last minute – “Sorry babes. So hectic lately. Will totally catch u this week. Kisses!!” I know that phone was instrumental in this behaviour.
It’s easy to see those two have a strong connection. You know what? I couldn’t give two hooters.
I sure as heck ain’t no wifey to the phone lifey.