After a fleeting moment of self actualization I experienced a bizarre case of life imitating article on Monday…..A Cute little self help book fell from the sky like garlic manna from heaven reiterating my latest design for life and providing further inspiration to attain that ultimate opiate “happiness”

“Better than Chocolate : 50 ways to feel happier” is a wonderful little mid life crisis from super advertising guru Siimon Reynolds. Note that is not a spelling mistake – his name has two “i” apparently because it is numerolgically sound….I know right “Waanker” with a double a. His grip may be firm but Siimon is a mega success pesonified and he is to advertising what Gaga is to self promotion. Siimon takes the bleeding obvious and dresses up everyday mutton as “revelation” Thank you Siimon from a grateful Naation.

A quick summary of his pearl-less pieces of wisdom….Don’t stress about money….being rich helps Siimon….take control……being the boss helps Siimon….develop discipline…..it’s easy because simple Siimon says….remember god….it seemed to work well for the christians against the lions Siimon….act happy….yes fool yourself AND others…Laugh….well the book helps Siimon….increase friendships….good friends like money grow on trees Siimon,,,,get married….with a 57% chance of divorce sure why not those odds seem ok…be grateful….because there is always a beggar in a 3rd world shanty town worse off than you….ask uplifting questions…I get it, from the gutter to the stars

But wait there is more!  Change your breathing….i suggest a long pause….work on your self image…i thought this was the problem not the cure?….sleep more….most unhappy people find it hard to get out of bed…..be an optimist….ie ignore reality…simplify your life….most people live on the bare essentials Siimon but I can see how 1 ferrari would be enough…SMILE….yes it’s pasted on my face Siimon….get some sun….just what every aspiring melanoma needs…forgive…..yes back to the god thing i guess…dress sexy….and as men leer i will feel happier Siimon…kiss someone…shallow snogging also boosts my self esteeem ta….be sensitive….oh but i am Siimon, I am….Follow a team….do the Dockers count as a team?….limit time alone and meet new people….the lonely of the world are rejoicing at this revelation…polish your memories….despite them leading me here Simon….be a film goer….but wont the unhappy life still be there 90 min later….

There are at least 30 more buzz-lines of divine insight but I am sure you get the drift. This perfect self help book for those that have EVERYTHING and have got too much time as well as other things on their hands. A yuppie bible for reaping more from a life that has overdosed on excess. “Better than Chocolate” is a simple (this may be too generous a word) recipe book to rekindle the spirit for those that are devoid of it. Life isn’t that SIIMPLE SIIMON and the rest of us want a family block of chocolate and a little of your excess success. Trample those roses and don’t smell them. Ban all copywriters who think the world is as simple as selling soap!