Akika Says

07/07

B**** Be Humble

By Geisha Bar
B****, Be Humble One thing that genuinely intrigues me is human behavior post global pandemic. I’m not sure if it applies to you guys, but I’ve rediscovered hobbies such as sudoku, chess, and baking. (all things that I was “too busy” for before, apparently hours scrolling on Facebook and...
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20/03

I Spy

By Geisha Bar
OK, so I know I wrote about the shit-ticket frenzy last week, but I recently learned history’s most badass toilet paper shortage story, so naturally, it is vital that I share it with you guys immediately. Back in the Cold War, there was a huge shortage of toilet paper for Soviet troops in the...
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13/03

Shit Chat

By Geisha Bar
In light of the recent outbreaks of COVID-19 (coronavirus), in predictable Aussie fashion, people have managed to contract another, just as deadly, infectious disease – the Pork Chop Flu. The Pork Chop Flu affects Australians in droves, and spreads like wildfire. The most common symptom is a...
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06/03

M-M-M Telephone

By Geisha Bar
One thing I love almost as much as dancing at gigs is hiking. I’m obsessed with the outdoors! Our planet is a seriously cool thing, my dudes, and there is nothing more grounding that being in the middle of a forest listening to birdsong, or halfway up a mountain gazing out at all the other...
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27/02

Breathe With Me

By Geisha Bar
Whenever I watch a movie where someone has to hold their breath in a life-or-death scenario, I always try to hold mine with them - and I always fail after like 50 seconds. Let’s just say that if we are ever in a scenario where we have to swim through a big corridor to get to safety in the event...
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22/02

I’m not sure if this is a sign of getting older, but some days I just feel like I am moving at half my regular speed. I’ll yawn, I’ll drag my feet, and worst of all – my brain just isn’t switched on. I can’t place my finger on it – my smartwatch assures me the previous night’s...
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12/02

STOP THE PRESSES GUYS!!!!! A short while ago, Jennifer Aniston posted an Instagram picture of the cast of Friends hanging out together and hinted that something exciting might be afoot. Well it seems that the excitement is on the way! Rumours are flying around that Warner Brothers is in the final...
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05/02

BYO Tinfoil Hat

By Geisha Bar
Conspiracy nut jobs love to claim that the government adds fluoride to water and toothpaste in some dastardly plan to make us all sleepy slaves, helpless to resist their evil bidding. The truth, however, is far less scandalous and far more reassuring - fluoride is your friend, my friend!...
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29/01

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22/01

Unbelievably it’s over halfway through January, which only supports my theory that every year feels faster than ever, because each year is a smaller relative piece of our lifetime, so therefore we are going to view each year as faster than the previous. Kind of like how when you were 8 years old,...
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15/01

Olympic Orgy

By Geisha Bar
One of my favourite things about being a human is the Olympic Games. It’s an incredible institution of our more recent history, and it’s the ultimate dream for many. I will legit sit there and watch any Olympic event I can get my mitts on. Archery? Fuckyeah. Hockey? You bet I’m rooting for...
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08/01

ScumMo-A-Timeline

By Geisha Bar
In case you were wondering why the current PM is in a spot of bother at the moment; here’s a brief timeline that may clear some things up: April 2019: Government ignores alerts from the Emergency Leaders for Climate Change of “increasingly catastrophic extreme weather events” and the need...
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31/12

Cups of Kindness

By Geisha Bar
I was watching the Sex and the City movie today. You know, the one with that horrible person who wears a bird on her head to her wedding and then further pollutes our oceans by throwing her mobile phone into the sea, and who also has a super racist friend who won’t eat or drink anything in a...
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24/12

Merry Chrysler

By Geisha Bar
Jeez it’s pretty much Christmas now! A lot of people in this country won’t really have heaps to celebrate this year, with this record drought and bushfire. At least the PM was able to sneak off for a luxury holiday to Hawaii :/ I caught the Sunrise segment where Gretel Killeen pwned Chris...
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17/12

Send The Love

By Geisha Bar
Unbelievably it’s over halfway through January, which only supports my theory that every year feels faster than ever, because each year is a smaller relative piece of our lifetime, so therefore we are going to view each year as faster than the previous. Kind of like how when you were 8 years old,...
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10/12

Do you usually get through your Christmas period with little stress? If so, you’re lucky! Significant numbers of people report feeling higher levels of stress over the holidays than throughout the rest of the year, and one area this takes its toll on is the old love life. I was shocked to...
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03/12

Abort Mission

By Geisha Bar
What the fuck. This week, in frustratingly stupid American decisions, a bill has been passed in the state of Ohio that forces doctors to “reimplant an ectopic pregnancy” into a woman’s uterus, or the doctor faces charges of “abortion murder”. This reinsertion procedure is not only...
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26/11

Listen Up

By Geisha Bar
Recently I was asked to host a weekly radio show with a friend as a once-off, just for kicks. During the show, I thought I was a pretty amazing radio presenter and that I sounded like milk, honey and jizz all in one. But when I listened back to the banter? Boy, how jarring it was to hear my...
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19/11

Ok Boomer

By Geisha Bar
A NZ politian recently popularised the term “ok boomer” and it’s created a SHITLOAD of backlash among the irrelevant/ageing community. Evidently forgetting that they spent the last ten years referring to anyone born after 1975 as “snowflakes”, boomers are now crying that “ok boomer”...
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05/11

Hella Ween

By Geisha Bar
Well another year has passed, and by that, I mean another Halloween has fallen. Ever since I was a kid, Halloween has always fascinated and excited me, from watching movies like Double Double Toil and Trouble (the Olsen twins) and Hocus Pocus which had elaborate and exciting sets. A kid at my...
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