Akika Says

27/02

Breathe With Me

By Geisha Bar
Whenever I watch a movie where someone has to hold their breath in a life-or-death scenario, I always try to hold mine with them - and I always fail after like 50 seconds. Let’s just say that if we are ever in a scenario where we have to swim through a big corridor to get to safety in the event...
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22/02

I’m not sure if this is a sign of getting older, but some days I just feel like I am moving at half my regular speed. I’ll yawn, I’ll drag my feet, and worst of all – my brain just isn’t switched on. I can’t place my finger on it – my smartwatch assures me the previous night’s...
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05/02

BYO Tinfoil Hat

By Geisha Bar
Conspiracy nut jobs love to claim that the government adds fluoride to water and toothpaste in some dastardly plan to make us all sleepy slaves, helpless to resist their evil bidding. The truth, however, is far less scandalous and far more reassuring - fluoride is your friend, my friend!...
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29/01

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31/12

Cups of Kindness

By Geisha Bar
I was watching the Sex and the City movie today. You know, the one with that horrible person who wears a bird on her head to her wedding and then further pollutes our oceans by throwing her mobile phone into the sea, and who also has a super racist friend who won’t eat or drink anything in a...
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10/12

Do you usually get through your Christmas period with little stress? If so, you’re lucky! Significant numbers of people report feeling higher levels of stress over the holidays than throughout the rest of the year, and one area this takes its toll on is the old love life. I was shocked to...
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03/12

Abort Mission

By Geisha Bar
What the fuck. This week, in frustratingly stupid American decisions, a bill has been passed in the state of Ohio that forces doctors to “reimplant an ectopic pregnancy” into a woman’s uterus, or the doctor faces charges of “abortion murder”. This reinsertion procedure is not only...
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26/11

Listen Up

By Geisha Bar
Recently I was asked to host a weekly radio show with a friend as a once-off, just for kicks. During the show, I thought I was a pretty amazing radio presenter and that I sounded like milk, honey and jizz all in one. But when I listened back to the banter? Boy, how jarring it was to hear my...
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19/11

Ok Boomer

By Geisha Bar
A NZ politian recently popularised the term “ok boomer” and it’s created a SHITLOAD of backlash among the irrelevant/ageing community. Evidently forgetting that they spent the last ten years referring to anyone born after 1975 as “snowflakes”, boomers are now crying that “ok boomer”...
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05/11

Hella Ween

By Geisha Bar
Well another year has passed, and by that, I mean another Halloween has fallen. Ever since I was a kid, Halloween has always fascinated and excited me, from watching movies like Double Double Toil and Trouble (the Olsen twins) and Hocus Pocus which had elaborate and exciting sets. A kid at my...
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29/10

Wishy Washy

By Geisha Bar
Something I’ve noticed over the past five years is a steady increase in the amount of young (and old) entrepreneurs, the ones who have built themselves well-known, household name businesses, where they work for themselves, no bosses, no overheads, no 9-5, as many breaks as they want, work...
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21/10

This has been a marvellous time for rugby. No, wait – hear me out. For the first time ever, Japan played in a quarter final of the Rugby World Cup, and everyone around the globe who likes rugby (and possibly even those who are ambiguous on the topic) banded together in spirit to hope that...
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14/10

Safety First

By Geisha Bar
On Friday night, I went to a party thrown by some mates from uni, held out in Crawley. It was a huge student party, there were people on the decks, giant blow up pools full of ice and drinks, and a SHITLOAD of people. Uni parties are pretty crazy sometimes, everyone is usually stressed out and...
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07/10

Milk Money

By Geisha Bar
George Francis Thompson was a milk deliveryman in North Perth, from the 1950s onwards. He was given a 5-pound fine for hitting a car with his horse and cart in 1953, as well as convicted under the Milk Act in 1954, for adding water to his milk. He was also quite rich! When George died in May...
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02/10

Ode to the Weekend

By Geisha Bar
I love to dance, to feel the beat To clap my hands, to stomp my feet Acting like kids though we’re fully grown, Letting the DJ bring it home Time for kick ons, watching the dawn Crank it up when you see your friend yawn Giant Jenga, funk house and beers, This is my Saturday for many...
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23/09

Oh, hi there! Are you a married heterosexual? No? Well, go fuck yourself .... Is basically what the Indonesian government is saying these days. President Joko Widodo (more like Joko WiDILDO amirite) wants to ban sex outside marriage. Which would mean that any unmarried straight couples or gay...
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16/09

Something that heavily frustrates me lately is how science is being presented to the masses. Of course, there are journal papers which, although factual and highly important, are inaccessible intellectually for 95% of people, as the understanding of these usually requires experience in the specific...
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09/09

Faux McCartney

By Geisha Bar
A couple of years ago, I stumbled on something great. Something big. Something that I believe to be the BEST CONSPIRACY THEORY IN THE WORLD. Bold claim, I know. But hear me out. In 1966, Paul McCartney was killed in a car accident. Rather than telling the world, The Beatles decided to do what...
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02/09

Much like Kmart Brenda with her fucking faux marble contact in every surface in the house, just because you *can* do something, does not mean you should. I know this now. I learned my lesson the hard way, after eagerly agreeing at the start of the year to do a 10km running event with some friends...
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26/08

The Troubles

By Geisha Bar
I’ve just been listening to The Cranberries and crying because I wasn’t part of the Irish “Troubles” in the 1990s. No, really. Hear me out. There’s a show on Netflix right now called Derry Girls, I have just binged the shit out of it, and a huge part of me identifies so hard with...
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