By Geisha Bar

They’re our best, most faithful and sweetest mates. No, I’m not talking about the bar staff at Geisha – I’m talking about dogs, a.k.a puppers, doggos, doggers, and hounds. And so many of us would be totally lost without them! They are our everything, our baes, our sweet children and our personal jesters – yet we have to suffer the heartbreak of knowing that we will outlive our incredible canine compadres. But have no fear! Those crazy Koreans have gone done fixed our problem! The Sooam Biotech Research Foundation can bring your dead doggo back to life, cloning over 800 doggos over the past 11 years. The great news is that it isn’t a zombie version that is only half alive, it’s a REAL PROPER SWEET DOGGER! For just $100 000, you can bring old Bitey back to your loving arms once more. All you have to do is take pupper to the labs, where they lovingly place him in the fridge wrapped in wet towels, and within five days of death they harvest a mature cell from your dog, which gets copied. This DNA is fused with a donor egg that has none of its original genetic material, and then the resulting embryo is planted in a surrogate bitch (sorry but I just really like the way “surrogate bitch” sounds. It’s what you could call the “other woman” if your partner ever cheats on you maybe). Two months after the surrogate bitching process, your doggo is released back into your arms as a new puppy!

“People have very a strong bond with their pets… and cloning provides a psychological alternative to the traditional method of just letting the pet go and keeping their memory,” Sooam researcher and spokesman Wang Jae-Woong has stated. What a time to be alive!